Wow, has it seriously been 2 months since I last posted on here? You would think I've been busy or something! Ha ha... Well, okay, I'm somewhat busy. I guess 3 little girls keeps me hopping (most days). There are those days when I am just absolutely lazy & could care less about the scattered toys, piles of dust, crumbs under the table, dishes that should've been done yesterday, dirty faces (oops), and the fact that I desperately need a shower before lunch. I hope I will be more motivated when Spring finally hits & my first trimester is done! I seriously doubt it, though...
To quickly update those that don't already know...we are expecting our 4th little one. If you are on Facebook, you will have known this since a month ago already. You would also know that it was quite unexpected & not so exciting for me. Chris & I had talked at length that we might really consider not having anymore children, but apparently God had other plans. I can't say that I agreed at the time with anyone that said His way is perfect. I had doubts that He always knows what He is doing. Isn't that our human nature? To question God in hard times? I must say I totally questioned Him last month...still do some days. For those of you that know me well, you know that I struggle with motherhood. I have never considered myself a good mom, though others have told me I am. I love the newborn stage, I don't have a problem with that at all. It's the stages between 6 months & 6 years that are hard for me. I long for a bit more freedom, a bit less responsibility with needs, always wanting this stage to pass quickly. Oh, don't get me wrong. There are things I enjoy about each of my girls right now, where they are. I love that Lexi is a quick learner & soaks up the activities in her pre-school books. I love how Petra is starting to learn her numbers & letters. Nova is about to take her first steps & has started so many other "firsts" such as saying "Mama" & nodding her head one way or another when asked a question. But, discipline is something I tire of quickly. The stress of taking them places when they all decide to act out at the same time & I can't discipline effectively in public. I love how Lexi & Petra can play all day long, without squabble...yet, hate the next day, when they seem to want nothing more than to aggravate each other constantly. I love how Nova is learning to do things, yet can't stand that she whines when I'm not holding her. The worst piece of advice that people have given me in this stage (since Lexi was a babe) is "This too shall pass." Does it really? Or does it just take on a different form? I have heard that some actually miss this stage of life...I understand that they miss certain aspects...like chubby baby bodies to kiss, slobbery kisses, pigtails & dresses, toothless grins, curiosity, giggles, birthday parties, etc. How can they miss the potty-training, endless diaper changes, continuous discipline, whining, crying at bedtime & naps, waking up 5-10 times a night (sometimes 4 in one hour)????? Seriously, you miss this stage? I am ready to cry most days, when I can't even sit for 20 minutes to read a book.
Granted, it's much easier some days than others. I know that God has blessed me tremendously and I should be grateful everyday that they are healthy, growing & for the most part, happy. I shouldn't complain that I have another on the way when so many women are wishing desperately for even one! I do know this & I feel guilty more often than not about my dissatisfied feelings. I love my girls more than anything, even myself...I admit to being selfish at times & wanting to just be left alone for a week or two, but would be lost without them if it were to become permanent! Is it wrong to just want peace & quiet for a few days????
Well, so on to lighter things. I have to laugh as I write this. Lexi & Petra are standing in front of the t.v. playing "Rockstar". Lexi uses a raquetball raquet as her guitar along with a small wooden spoon as a pick. Petra is "drumming" on a plate with a toy icecream cone. Okay, so I love their imagination! I do continue to look for the blessings amidst the noise & chaos. Speaking of which, Nova has awakened after only a 1/2 hour nap...due to the "rock concert". Peace & quiet, where are you?
